I love u Mother

yesssssssssssssssssssssss! i am one happy girl today! really. i juz talked to mum over the phone. nothin could describe the elatedness which i'm feelin right now. hahaahaha! after so long. now everythin will turn out right again =]
i was alone in the room, and was jumpin around as i called my friends, tellin them the great news. heheheeh!!! and they were all so happy for me! yay! thank god. Alhamdulillah. now my cheeks are achin! from smilin too much! arghhh! haha. i cant wait, period!
i'll miss shy shy though. she's like always with me dude! always smellin my feet, and then rollin around on my feet. haha! if only i could take her with me. hai. missin her already. and i'm not even gone yet! =[

okies. i wanna go bathe now. will be headin to dydydyla's.
gotta go. ciao.

suddenly i remembered what a certain monkey told me: without mum, there'd be no u & me.
[thank u]

the ring

i was rummagin through my stuff few days back. and i found this ring. 925 silver ring.
the memories of what used to be came rushin back, like a river burstin free. he used to treasure this ring so much. of course, coz it'd once belonged to his late father. and he'd entrusted me with this ring, believin that i'll forever be his. but then again, nothin in this world could really make someone urs. know what i mean...? i still remembered him askin me to take care of this ring. i shall start doin juz that. which other way could i take care of it the best, other than to put it on my finger, right? juz like it has always been there. the only difference is. only this ring is with me now, when ur not. anyways. be happy okies? i truly understand how u felt. at the same time, i know nothin could be worse than this.

kini kau berubah, kau tak seperti dulu
mengapa sayang, mengapa
engkau jadi begini
kini aku menyesal menyintai mu
kerna cintaku dipermainkan secukup cukupnya

mengapa engkau permainkan
cinta yang sudah kita bina
kini kau da tak sayang lagi, berterus terang padaku
janganlah engkau menyeksa ku
tak sanggup lagi ku menanggung
dugaan cinta yang kau beri terhadap diriku

lemas [drownin]

finally i'm not oblivious to the world. *yawn* dozed off at 10plus juz now.
woke up bout an hour ago. again, juz finished eatin maggi. gonna get some real food later in the evenin. was supposed to go to dydydyla's today, but i feel kinda lazy to get out of the room. lets juz go tmr okies? i mean, if thats ok with u guys, of course.
woke up to the sound of the ringin house telephone. damn. irritatin! what a way to wake me up, huh? and the most irritatin part is, juz when i got out of bed to answer the call, its stopped ringin. idiot. yeah! so now u know how i felt! if not i could have finished my beautiful dream! hai.....

hey. i think this is my 4th entry for today, by the way. that shows juz how bored i am, yeah? now i'm juz waitin for sabri to msg me, tellin me bout his day at work. so damn long dude! he should've finished by now. hehe.. i kinda sound like a mother! [sometimes, where he is concerned, i do feel like one. sheesh! weird!] or maybe a gf? lol. but yeah. sabri will always be sabri. i see him as a younger brother and a friend =]

'missin someone isnt bout how long its been since u've last seen them or the amount of time since u last talked. its bout that very moment when ur doin somethin and u wish that they were right there with u'

okies. ciao. see u when i see u, aite? byeeeeeeeee

shubh prabhat!!! [thats gd mornin in hindi, people]

gd mornin singapore! and also to the rest of the world, of course.. hehe. its 0649am now.
i'm so excited for my friends! they're gonna start work today, yay!!! isnt that cool, or what? i mean, its like so great! i'm so damn happy for them! all the best for ur first day yeah...? ur future nurses! [i should have been there too. hai.]
to sabri, have fun at work okies? dont be emo or anythin kk? must always be optimistic, always look on the brighter side of things. i mean, there are always 2 sides to it, right? as a nurse, u must set a good example to ur patients. okk? i better stop here, or else.. ur gonna kill me coz i sounded like an old granny givin lectures. haha!

anyway. i juz finished eatin maggi. so full! juz burped seconds ago, so loud i thought it'd wake mama up. lol [though u guys dont need to know that]. and no no no. thats not my breakfast. my breakfast would probably be at 3pm. or later. or maybe earlier. sometimes juz 2-3 hours of sleep's enough. let's see what time i'll wake up today. wanna bet? haha! crazy, huh? yeah. thats my life. on top of that, i'm havin diarrhoea!!! sucks!!!
have been goin in and out the toilet 4 times since few hours ago. damn! tirin, u know...? and the feaces looked funny funny! it doesnt look like the normal watery stool for diarrhoea. maybe i'm sick. oh no!!! naaaa. its probably nothin. chill, chill.. no worries =]

okies, shubh ratri!!! [thats gd night, in hindi]

men will always be men. no pun intended.

are people's dignity gettin cheaper and cheaper nowadays? it sure as hell seems like it! all of a sudden there is a message in my tagged inbox, from a man who wanted sex. a great f***. his words, exactly. its really gettin on my nerves, u nkow? irritate the shit out of me, dude! i mean seriously, if ur that desperate to get laid, go to that place where they're havin business! ur happy, they are happy. thats it. or better yet. do it urself!
they think that ladies' job's to satisfy their needs? think again dude!!! coz one thing for sure is, i'm sure as hell not like the gals u might have laid.
where is the respect in this world? is there none left? my goodness!
of all things to make me pissed today, this has gotta be it? bloody hell!

thats it. i'm lightin a cigarette now. to chill.
haha! gotcha. i dont smoke. well, now i'm startin my crap.
okies, till the next time!
gd night.

weeeee! thats what i call him =]

suddenly there was a msg from [him] at msn. askin me why must u be so bad to me? how do i reply to such a question, u tell me? i have no freakin idea why. asked [him] why is he suddenly thinkin of her? told me that he was juz thinkin to himself. told me that i'm such a beautiful and nice person. his words, exactly. and hey.. those who really know me, will know that i'm bad at reactin to compliments. said that u dont even deserve me as a friend, whatmore a gf. the next thing he said, was that he prayed that i'll get myself a good guy one day. amen. and damn! juz like that, he made tears dropped from my eyes. shit. talk bout bein emo, huh?
and why must he be so nice towards me?
guess he's also countin down with me, for the day of my return to my home. 2 more days, home sweet home, he said. he's so happy for me. and he'll pray for me.
u have no idea how grateful i am towards [u]. really. i shall always pray that u have good health okies? if thats the least i could do for u, why not, right? thank u very very much. i'll never forget what u'd done for me. u know, i know okies? for that i am always grateful to u.
dammit. now i cant seem to stop tearin up, thinkin of [u] and her.
but hey.. can i juz say that someday, i wish i could find a man juz like u?
for my most tirin day, with u in it, i wont even feel worn out.
even at my saddest, with u around, i'll be walkin around smilin at everyone and anythin.
in my dreams u suddenly appeared, though i cant remember what happened, i know i'll always wake up with my lips curved up.

no matter. come what may. we'll always be friends, okies?
thats what we started out as.. the only difference is, friendship with me will never have an endin to it.
thank u again.

pintaku yang terakhir

besar kesilapanku, besar lagi kesilapanmu
hampa yang kau rasakan, hampa lagi perasaan ku

juz finished packin my stuff. not gonna leave anythin which belongs to me there. say whatever u want bout that, people. but yeah, i'm totally done with it. and hey, guess what? washed all my shoes today. haha! cant believe it, after few years of not washin any of my shoes, today i'm doin it again. if only everythin else could be washed away juz like that too, huh? if u get what i mean, that is.
hai. lost some weight yet again. damn! juz a week ago i'd been gainin some. sucks man. my sleeplessness is really takin a toll on my health, i guess. well. what can i say? i'm so used to havin someone sleep beside me. why else would i be able to sleep at dydy's? at shamu's? its coz they're sleepin beside me.

kau ingin ku menyalakan diri ini bagai lilin
dan terbakar oleh perbuatanmu

i'm gettin used to it though. fallin asleep at bout 7 or 8am, i mean. and wakin up at 3 or 5pm. its like a routine now. my breakfast would probably be ur early dinner, my lunch ur supper, my dinner.. ur very very late supper. and i've a lot of suppers in between, till i finally feel my eyelids gettin heavy. thats how much i eat. and still. my mass.. sheesh! i've got no words to say. juz finished my dinner. nasi goreng seafood with lots of chilli padi. hehe. i'm so not gonna be guilty for eatin good food. coz i'm leadin my own life again. i realized that all these while i hadnt been doin that [if u know what i mean].

kekasihku cukup engkau buat ku begini
luka ini usah engkau berdarahkan kembali

there were quite a number of jobs for me out there. received them via e-mails. i'm still confused. should i start a full time job? or should i study? i really can study. i know that. before everythin turned topsy turvy.. i'd been a gd student. hah! what a contradiction, huh? but yeah. first things first. had to regain mother's trust in me. pay off whatever bills there is to be paid. and its not little, mind u.
hey u. i've never asked for anythin from u. now. i'm askin for a little favor. juz help me out with singtel. thats all. dont ever make me get reminded of aby. please. for old time's sake. i'm willin to help u out with that, if u could help me out too.

kau cuba menyatakan aku membuat kesilapan
yang tak mungkin kau maafkan lagi
ku tak mungkin kau perlukan lagi... di sisi

hai. everythin's been said and done. thats it then, i guess. ciao.

in my memories u shall always reside

people! i am so freakin bored!!! argh!!! i know i shouldnt bother anymore. but my mind kept wanderin to her. again and again and again. reminiscin happy moments together exactly a year ago. still remembered her meetin me before she booked into camps.. and after camps.. at starbucks east point.. tampines.. eatin sushis.. juz about go anywhere at all without havin to be secretive of the other.. talk bout the old times, huh?
how ironic it is that now, she hardly even wanna see me anymore. what exactly is she doin right now, only God knows, yeah.
anyways. bought a few Godiva chocolates for someone. teehee!!!
but bloody hell, my plan to surprise him backfired!!! not really backfired, but yeah, somethin like that. [he was still surprised, but not the way i'd planned it to be] damn! haha.. hmmm. its ok though. spent the night chillin out with him. that crazy monkey!!! forever full of nonsense. never endin.. mesti ade aje bende yang dia nak buat.. haha!
was supposed to go out together with dydydyla.. but. nevermind, they cant make it, dydy wasnt feelin well. next time, okies?dont know why i'm like excited for dydy to meet that monkey. haha!!!
ok, wanna get some rest now.
byeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!

adakah diriku kau tak perlu lagi
adakah cintaku kau tak perlu lagi
adakah dirimu da berubah hati terhadap diriku
adakah insan lain bertata di hatimu
hinggakan dirimu merubah cintamu
manaka janjimu yang kau beri dulu kepada diriku

kiranya diriku kau tak perlu lagi
simpanlah kenangan cinta kita di hati
walaupun sukarku, aku kali ini
biarlah ku pergi

it'll all come to an end soon

hey u. happy valentines day.. how awkward it had been hours ago, juz the two of us sittin on that bench. its like we were strangers, dont u agree? well, thats definitely how i felt. with my bag and ur packed food in between. in other words, a barrier between us. when david wished me happy valentines day, u asked who it was. i felt a spark of hope that maybe.. maybe.. in ur own way, u still care for me too.
but hey.. who am i tryin to kid, yeah? u went on to tellin me bout how miserable u were without havin good finance and all. u hit it right on the spot. u do know my weaknesses well, dont u? shit. this juz sucks dude. i know i shouldnt really entertain all these things anymore, but i cant help it. i have to say that i still love u. very much still. if only i didnt.. would have made things much easier.
my heart almost stopped when u told me that ur comin back home on the 17th and 18th. dammit. i pray to god that its not gonna happen. i simply couldnt look at u. or else. what i'd been wantin to do.. will go down the drain.
astaga! stress!
so. thats bout it. ciao.

enough is enough

hey u.
juz stop it, will u? i've really had enough crap. i knew. bout almost everythin there is to know. did u know that i knew? well, since u've always known whatever there is to know? like a know it all?
juz cut it out, ok?
aren't u tired of all these?
well, let me tell u that i, for one, am very very tried and tired of everythin.
one thing i will never understand is how u could bear to do all these shit. to throw it all in my face. what wrong is it that i'd done to u huh? what could be that great sin i did towards u, that u cant even forgive?
or is it that u juz plain dont give a damn bout me?
please dude. juz cut it out.
i dont wanna think bout it no more.
i dont wanna hurt no more.
i dont wanna think bad bout u no more.
give me a break k?

and there u go again, tellin me sweet stuff.
stuff bout our 1yr anniversary, which is gonna be very soon.
stuff bout wantin to spend valentine's day with me.
tell me why i should let u have a go at it again...?
tell me why i should believe in u...?
after all, i was juz a pawn in ur staged game, right?
well. whatever. whats done is done.

since theres no more u and me..
its time i let u go so i could be free..
and live my life how it should be..
no matter how hard it is, i'll be fine without u!
yes i will!

ola

new blog. new passwords. new life. new everythin. a new beginnin.
cool, huh? after so long. yeah.
know what people? those of u who are readin this, better be grateful ok!!! coz i only chose a few of u to be invited to read my blog ok!!! so yeah. jemput bace semue. hehe

anyways. i'm busy right now. i'll update u guys later aite? byeeeeeeeee!!!